spinning

it's quiet.


i think I've found a way to take silence for granted.


q u i e t. 


i'm alone and it's quiet.


a perfect opportunity for us to catch up.


m a r v e l o u s.

 have you ever felt like you are continually spinning?

like a toy top? 

this is how I've felt lately.


this spinning, continual, perpetual, dizzying movement.


(wondrous, creative, excitement.)


is it possible that I'm somehow making up for the lost time strewn throughout 


the past thirty one years of my life, 


t h i s 


year?

my mind is on overdrive. 


I don't know how else to even begin to explain it to you.


even when I close my eyes, and the world is still around me; 


my most vivid dreams are revealed.


somedays the most simple of beauties are all too much and I wish that I could flip a little switch, 


and put 


my mind to 


r  e  s  t.

(but my dreams are becoming a reality... look, I'll show you some of them now.)

dream #1 

it all started with this bed sheet...

months ago, i had an idea to create a vintage photo booth to offer to my clients, 

their closest friends and family;

for the most important of celebrations.

a chance to capture a fleeting moment in their lives, 

carefree and  beautiful.

i've poured every ounce of myself into this project. 

i've literally built it,

(with my loving husband) 

from the 

ground up.

bits, and pieces.

vintage fabric.

mustaches,

and so much more.

All of our hard work is being funneled into a photo shoot that will span the course of the next three evenings and will capture three different celebrations within our vintage photo booth.

(finished photographs to follow.)

dream # 2

i photographed newborn twins last week.

i've dreamt of this session for years.

now it's done.

the images are real.

the images are mine.

(on a side note...

i think that it must be true that every artist; no matter what their medium, is their own worst critic.

That we (artists) lead ourselves to think that it's somehow better too be overly critical of ourselves and our work, in order to prepare ourselves for the day when someone comes along with a harsh judgement. Then that harsh judgement will be easily brushed aside and we'll remind ourselves, 

"No big deal, I thought the same thing.")

i do judge myself.

constantly.

my best will never be my best.

but I must say,

 these images of these little girls, 

oh,my.

dream #3

my little boys are growing up at a rapid rate.

i'm constantly trying to keep up with them.

what's new?

what's cool?

what did you do at school today?

what makes you happiest?

if I think about it all too much, I can really upset myself.

infant hood.

(evaporated.)

toddler hood.

(a foggy memory.)

and as ironic as it sounds,

 especially being that I'm  a photographer 

and have close to twenty thousand photographs of my sons,

i really can't recall

 h a l f 

of the last seven years.

(oh, and I want to so badly.)

sometimes in the rush and panic of daily life,

when I'm feeling like no single project or person has my complete attention,

that no work that I've done is perfect or complete...

i look to my children, and remind myself that the greatest work that can be done, already has been.

I've already done it.

i'm a mother.

I'm

 l i v i n g the dream.

i'm

l i v i n g

the 

dream.

brooklyn's self portrait at age three.

(he has stars in his eyes.)

dream #4

my boys are becoming friends.

when brought into this world, neither of them had a say as to whether or not they would be brothers,

but to watch them 

c h o o s e

to  become friends,

d r e a m y.

dream #5

c o n t e n t m e n t.

to be ok with the woman that I was today.

 that my best was 

e n o u g h.

(i'm getting there, slowly but surely.)

still dreaming of that day.

and last but certainly not least

dream #6

(and how I wish that this could be)

that 

p u p p i e s 

would remain 

p u p p i e s.

but no,

dogs grow up too.

take buddy for example.

he's 

h u g e 

(but so is his heart)

so, do tell me my friends

what has you spinning and dreamy these days?