Monday, March 28, 2011

spinning



it's quiet.


i think I've found a way to take silence for granted.


q u i e t. 


i'm alone and it's quiet.


a perfect opportunity for us to catch up.


m a r v e l o u s.


 have you ever felt like you are continually spinning?

like a toy top? 


this is how I've felt lately.


this spinning, continual, perpetual, dizzying movement.


(wondrous, creative, excitement.)


is it possible that I'm somehow making up for the lost time strewn throughout 


the past thirty one years of my life, 


t h i s 


year?



my mind is on overdrive. 


I don't know how else to even begin to explain it to you.


even when I close my eyes, and the world is still around me; 


my most vivid dreams are revealed.


somedays the most simple of beauties are all too much and I wish that I could flip a little switch, 


and put 


my mind to 


r  e  s  t.




(but my dreams are becoming a reality... look, I'll show you some of them now.)


dream #1 

it all started with this bed sheet...

months ago, i had an idea to create a vintage photo booth to offer to my clients, 

their closest friends and family;

for the most important of celebrations.

a chance to capture a fleeting moment in their lives, 

carefree and  beautiful.

i've poured every ounce of myself into this project. 

i've literally built it,

(with my loving husband) 

from the 

ground up.

bits, and pieces.

vintage fabric.

mustaches,

and so much more.

All of our hard work is being funneled into a photo shoot that will span the course of the next three evenings and will capture three different celebrations within our vintage photo booth.

(finished photographs to follow.)




dream # 2

i photographed newborn twins last week.


now it's done.

the images are real.

the images are mine.

(on a side note...
i think that it must be true that every artist; no matter what their medium, is their own worst critic.
That we (artists) lead ourselves to think that it's somehow better too be overly critical of ourselves and our work, in order to prepare ourselves for the day when someone comes along with a harsh judgement. Then that harsh judgement will be easily brushed aside and we'll remind ourselves, 
"No big deal, I thought the same thing.")

i do judge myself.

constantly.

my best will never be my best.

but I must say,

 these images of these little girls, 

oh,my.







dream #3

my little boys are growing up at a rapid rate.

i'm constantly trying to keep up with them.

what's new?

what's cool?

what did you do at school today?

what makes you happiest?


if I think about it all too much, I can really upset myself.

infant hood.

(evaporated.)

toddler hood.

(a foggy memory.)

and as ironic as it sounds,

 especially being that I'm  a photographer 

and have close to twenty thousand photographs of my sons,

i really can't recall

 h a l f 

of the last seven years.

(oh, and I want to so badly.)



sometimes in the rush and panic of daily life,

when I'm feeling like no single project or person has my complete attention,

that no work that I've done is perfect or complete...

i look to my children, and remind myself that the greatest work that can be done, already has been.

I've already done it.

i'm a mother.

I'm

 l i v i n g the dream.



i'm

l i v i n g

the 

dream.


brooklyn's self portrait at age three.

(he has stars in his eyes.)




dream #4

my boys are becoming friends.

when brought into this world, neither of them had a say as to whether or not they would be brothers,

but to watch them 

c h o o s e

to  become friends,

d r e a m y.






dream #5

c o n t e n t m e n t.

to be ok with the woman that I was today.

 that my best was 

e n o u g h.

(i'm getting there, slowly but surely.)

still dreaming of that day.



and last but certainly not least

dream #6

(and how I wish that this could be)

that 

p u p p i e s 

would remain 

p u p p i e s.

but no,

dogs grow up too.

take buddy for example.

he's 

h u g e 

(but so is his heart)






so, do tell me my friends

what has you spinning and dreamy these days?

6 comments:

Randi said...

Just had to tell you that I loved that post. It was a great reminder that we are so blessed to be moms and I truly am living the dream even if it doesn't feel like that every day.

And I loved the twin photos - it made me ache for those long ago days (my twins are five). I also loved the bulldog photo ... your bulldog looks so much like ours (our dog died at Christmas). What a cutie!

Rebecca said...

I enjoyed this post made me smile and take time to sit and think, time flies by so fast and they do grow so fast enjoying all the moments that will become wonderful memories.

amanda said...

I love the twin photos, too - and relate to your friend Randi's words above.. the ache. My twins are THIRTEEN. They are growing at a rate that shocks us. Just passed me up in height. They were so small, and so close. Still are close - but the infancy photos really tug the heart strings showing that amazing closeness.

Dreaming is the best form of planning. Keep dreaming! And living your dreams!

Melanie Reller said...

This was such a beautiful post. Things I think about all the time but can't put into words. I hope you find inner peace.

And btw, I think you need to clean your sensor... but AWESOME bokeh anyway. :-)

Fairfield House said...

Corey Ann,

Thank you for your wonderful words and beautiful images - the twins' portraits are amazing.
I understand well the spinning feeling you describe. The changes that come with each new day are bittersweet. The secret is to remain in each moment, live each one to the fullest ... which you seem to have mastered.

Your Friend,
Deborah

quiverfull said...

such a beautiful post. i've been spinning for a while lately. those busy kind of spins where you are focused and focused, and everything else seems like a blur. and then, you open your eyes just a little at the blur and realize that that was life. that thing you just sped past. and i have a million dreams, and i don't think i'm even close to any of them. but regardless of how many of them i achieve (or don't) none of them will be very important if all of the days from which they sprang are only a blur. if i can't remember laughing on the couch or dancing around the living room or lying in the grass, or the feel of a small warm hand in mine. or sitting on the rooftop, watching the stars.
thank you for the moment.
-shawnacy