the f u n k.

this post has been writing and rewriting itself in my mind for months now.

 I don't know exactly when this happened, this bit of a creative funk that I'm in,

 but regardless of when it began, it did. 

i kept expecting for it to go away, or lessen, but it didn't.

it grew. it multiplied and transfered itself into ever aspect on my life.

funkier and funkier, until it was as if there was no creativity left in this here body of mine.

had there ever been?

I dug deep.

n o t h i n g.

i thought and thought and thought and surrounded myself with all things

 beautiful and amazing.

n o t h i n g.

and then one evening while staring into the glowing screen of my trusty computer, it dawned on me.

a revelation.

(please bare with me.)

the vast world of the wide web is so saturated and inundated with beauty and talent. 

I being a creative person: an artist by nature, I'm constantly drawn to and inspired by other peoples beauty. Other peoples creativity.

here is what has happened to me, it's as clear as day.

i've experienced an overload of beauty.

my eyes and even my ears have been overexposed to creativity and talent beyond measure.

it's drained me of my own ability to create.

i compare.

i judge and question myself constantly.

i've lost the joy of being creative.

and I'm sorry and regretful for it.

Last week I began a series of detachments from different outlets and websites

 that were contributing to my loss.  

Places of unbelievable craft, images and beauty. 

The images, oh these are what I, (a photographer) will miss most. 

I have high hopes of refocusing on myself, and the things that I love to do.

I happened upon this article, where another woman speaks of a similar situation.

I found it both intriguing and consoling that I wasn't alone in this.

here is the article.

The Trouble With Beauty

I've decided not to continue in my quest to recreate Sania Pell's gorgeous book of homemade crafts, instead to focus my energy, creating on my own.

I think that's ok.

I've also decided to try to write more often and more freely.

 I love to write.

 I love the expression, the opportunity for release.

I started to feel that as my blog and I grew over the years, that my writing ceased after I became increasingly aware of the community that was reading what I wrote. I didn't want to startle anyone, or ruffle any feathers. I didn't want someone to read a heart felt post and judge me for the way that I felt or the way that I was living. 

In starting to care so much about others; and other peoples opinions, I lost a huge amount of what made this blog mine. 

genuine and real.

Somedays are not good days. 

Some lives are not perfect. 

I think that's ok.

i'm going back to where I started. 

simplicity.

two little boys.

one proud momma.

one life.

one camera.

one platform to voice my opinions, my observations

 and my hopes and dreams for both my family and yours.

i love you. if you're reading this, i love you.

no matter what point in the past three years you have come to know this place, thank you for being here.

speaking of three years.

 my three year blog anniversary passed me by without my noticing.

in honor of the past and in celebration of the future, 

i thought i would leave you with this.

we, are absolutely perfect as we are.

we are more than enough. 

we are wonderful.

we are b e a u t i f u l.