Monday, June 6, 2011

the f u n k.

this post has been writing and rewriting itself in my mind for months now.
 I don't know exactly when this happened, this bit of a creative funk that I'm in,
 but regardless of when it began, it did. 

i kept expecting for it to go away, or lessen, but it didn't.

it grew. it multiplied and transfered itself into ever aspect on my life.

funkier and funkier, until it was as if there was no creativity left in this here body of mine.

had there ever been?

I dug deep.

n o t h i n g.

i thought and thought and thought and surrounded myself with all things
 beautiful and amazing.

n o t h i n g.

and then one evening while staring into the glowing screen of my trusty computer, it dawned on me.

a revelation.

(please bare with me.)

the vast world of the wide web is so saturated and inundated with beauty and talent. 
I being a creative person: an artist by nature, I'm constantly drawn to and inspired by other peoples beauty. Other peoples creativity.

here is what has happened to me, it's as clear as day.

i've experienced an overload of beauty.

my eyes and even my ears have been overexposed to creativity and talent beyond measure.

it's drained me of my own ability to create.

i compare.

i judge and question myself constantly.

i've lost the joy of being creative.

and I'm sorry and regretful for it.

Last week I began a series of detachments from different outlets and websites
 that were contributing to my loss.  
Places of unbelievable craft, images and beauty. 
The images, oh these are what I, (a photographer) will miss most. 

I have high hopes of refocusing on myself, and the things that I love to do.

I happened upon this article, where another woman speaks of a similar situation.
I found it both intriguing and consoling that I wasn't alone in this.

here is the article.

I've decided not to continue in my quest to recreate Sania Pell's gorgeous book of homemade crafts, instead to focus my energy, creating on my own.

I think that's ok.

I've also decided to try to write more often and more freely.
 I love to write.
 I love the expression, the opportunity for release.

I started to feel that as my blog and I grew over the years, that my writing ceased after I became increasingly aware of the community that was reading what I wrote. I didn't want to startle anyone, or ruffle any feathers. I didn't want someone to read a heart felt post and judge me for the way that I felt or the way that I was living. 
In starting to care so much about others; and other peoples opinions, I lost a huge amount of what made this blog mine. 

genuine and real.

Somedays are not good days. 
Some lives are not perfect. 

I think that's ok.

i'm going back to where I started. 


two little boys.

one proud momma.

one life.

one camera.

one platform to voice my opinions, my observations
 and my hopes and dreams for both my family and yours.

i love you. if you're reading this, i love you.

no matter what point in the past three years you have come to know this place, thank you for being here.

speaking of three years.
 my three year blog anniversary passed me by without my noticing.

in honor of the past and in celebration of the future, 
i thought i would leave you with this.

we, are absolutely perfect as we are.

we are more than enough. 

we are wonderful.

we are b e a u t i f u l.


therobinsonfamily said...

Corey i am so proud of you no matter what you make or write or dream of. I feel the same way especially since having such a hard pregnancy. U do such beautiful things and u should admire your own work. U are such an amazing and inspirational human being and mother. I am always hoping and wishing and striving to be as genuine as you and ur beautiful work.

U are amazing in every way. It will all come back to you!! Enjoy your time and summer months ahead!! Come up our way when u can to hang out!! Xoxo always

Amy Robinson

swearingen said...

You are beautiful and such an inspiration. I look forward to reading about your growing boys and seeing your world through your lens. Thank you for sharing your life through your blog. xoxo

decorater4life said...

This really touched my heart!!!!! I have never been one to comment to much, but I have always enjoyed reading your blog, and looking at all of your beautiful pictures you share and of your wonderful family!!!! You are so talented in many ways, we do all have bad days, that is a fact, but it will always get better!!!! I hope you the very best, and that all of your wishes and heart desires will surely come true for you!!!!!! I appreciate this post today, and look foward to seeing more in the future!!!! Have a blessed day!!!!!
P.S I love you too!!!!!!!

Michelle Torres

Sania Pell said...

Dear Corey, it will pass. You are creative so it is always there, it never disappears, it's just sometimes it doesn't come so easily. Something will kickstart it again.

When you contacted me to say you were going to do all 50 projects in my book in a year I was amazed and very flattered. The fact that you've decided not to carry on is VERY ok. I always wanted my book to simply inspire people and to use my projects as a starting point and take them their own way and create their own unique things - which you did with all of your projects.

The pictures you take of your (handsome!) boys and the fun you've been up to as a family inspire me, as they capture those family moments so beautifully. And I love the fact that we've made a connection across the world through our mutual love of creativity.

Lots of love


Jordan and Jandee said...

enjoyed this post, very real, very relatable to most women who blog I suspect (and probably those who don't as well). love this image.

Patti said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Sweetie you are such an amazing and wonderful woman, always bringing joy and inspiration to those around you. All of your art comes directly from the heart and it is evident in the finished items. Thank you for being yourself and real about where you are at and what you are feeling. I think the way you are feeling is part of a cycle in the process of your artful journey.

Anonymous said...

Every artist feels as you do at one time or another. Don't get overwhelmed. I love your blog...keep writing what you feel.

Fairfield House said...

Corey Ann,

I am here reading each and every wonderful word; turning them over and over again as if polishing a precious stone to perfection. Your expressed thoughts reflect much of what I feel.
Please know in those moments that the love you share with your children and their father, with family,friends and readers; the love you capture in your art, in your words, and on camera; the ability to give and accept love is the greatest gift and inspires others to do so.

Paint, mold, sew, plant, collect, say cheese, tell your story your way and know how much you inspire someone in NJ.

Your Friend,