Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Slowing Down

I guess that there are many different elements that I could blame my high speed life style on... Various activities that cut my day into pieces and hold silly importance when thought of in retrospect. My days are full to the brim, with happiness and little boys, but full none the less.  I tend to get caught up in the lists that I tend to make for myself and often times loose focus of what it is in a day that really holds importance. I often lay awake at night reliving parts of the day and wishing that I could go back and do certain parts over, a different, slower approach.  

At age five,Sebastian's mind is bubbling over with facts and questions and random wordings that spill out of him each minute of each hour of each day.  I don't think that he stops talking from the time that he wakes in the morning, "Good morning Momma, it's a sunny day out!", until I am closing his door after tucking him in and night...And still then he calls my name once more, just as the door is about to close...
"Yes Sebastian?"
"How many times will you check on me tonight?" 
"25 times baby." 
"O.K. Mom." 
"I love you honey."
"I love you too." 
"Yes Sebastian?" 
"Don't let the bed bugs bite." 
"I won't you silly boy..."
"Momma? Are there really bed bugs?"

So on and so forth... You get the gist of it...

Last night as I tried to fall asleep, I was reminded of a moment of our day when Sebastian saw two rollie pollies on the ground in front of him.  He told me that he saw them. He was excited, I remember hearing the excitement his voice.  I was in a hurry, shuffling along with a curious 18m month old, and didn't take the time to stop and look at the bugs that Sebastian had found. I rushed us past them, and didn't even think about them until hours later.  I wish that I could go back to that moment and really hear him when he spoke. I wish that I could have stopped and admired the rollie pollies the way that he did.  I apologized to him for not fully listening to him. He told me that it was alright.  I told him that I would help him find two other rollie pollies, and he seemed just as happy about the prospect of new bugs as he had seemed about the original pair.

I need to linger in the moments of pure childhood that are offered to me...

I need to slow down and take in the beauty and wonder which surrounds me...

I need to quiet my mind and listen closely to the conversations that are being had around me...

I need to let the little stuff go at the end of the day and remind myself that I am trying to do the very best job that I can do for all of us...

I think I'll start tonight.


Patti said...

This is a struggle I often find myself in the midst of as well, beautifully stated.

Anonymous said...

You are so right to try to make more time to linger on the little things, but don't be too hard on yourself are a wonderful mom and wife
xoxo from Your Mamma