I've decided that the time has come where I'm going to bid farewell to this little ole blog and my own little corner of the sky. You see, with the new year came a recommitment to myself to simplify my life, and to eliminate anything and everything that serves as an added stress or deviation from authenticity.
When I started writing this blog four years ago, I was in a much different place in my life then I am now. I felt as if I was on top of the world; thriving as a young mother of two little boys. I was a full time stay at home momma with enough crafts and projects up her sleeve to fill a lifetime. I thought I had all of the answers, and often times with wee little ones underfoot, I did. Babies are babies, it's quite simple. Love them, feed and nurture them and watch them grow.
Throughout the past few years, change has been consistent. More than the packing, moving and consistent undertone of unknown, has been the great change in my children, and in turn within me. I'll be honest, most days I find myself humbled and near confusion as to how to deal with life with not so little ones. My role as these boys mother has changed significantly, and where I once felt quite confident in having all of the answers I needed to raise them, I now don't.
I struggle with the ebb and flow of simplicity. Too much verses not enough. Overexposure versus underexposure, tough love versus not so tough love. I don't have the answers. I wish I could snap my fingers and ensure that these little boys would become strong, intelligent, God loving men. Although,without that capability;I've resorted to doing everything within me to make sure that that's exactly what they will grow to be. Everything.
I was talking with my best friend a few weeks ago about the interesting balance in a mothers life, especially as her children begin to grow. Time is a bit different now, because where we were needed and expected for every detail of their lives, we aren't anymore. Don't get me wrong, the large majority of my life still revolves around my sons, although there are pockets of time, where I'm able to be myself; not someones mother, wife etc... This time is sacred and beautiful and in it, I've been reintroduced to myself; the young woman I was before I was my sons mother. I want to nourish that young woman, and celebrate her. I will always cherish and regard my role as a mother as the single most important role God could possibly give. Although I feel like it's time to step out of the beautiful shadow of being my boys mother, and step into the light, as my own self.
This year, Im going to stop typing and start writing.
This year, I'm going to make a list of things I have done, as opposed to a list of things I've yet to do.
This year, I'm going to find my voice in silence.
So this is goodbye my friends. Maybe not forever, but for now.
And with that, I wish for you the same things I wish for myslef.
Clarity, simplicity, creativity and a true, passionate love above all else.
I can't thank you enough for all that you have
given me throughout the years.
x o x o C