Monday, May 31, 2010

Replenishing The Well.

We are in the final countdown of days until Sebastian closes the Kindergarten classroom door forever. 
To be perfectly honest, this year has passed me by in the blink of an eye.
I feel as if it took us forever to get to that first day of Kindergarten and then the entire year flew right by.
The amount of growth and change that I see in my son are vast.
There's not a single day that goes by that he doesn't impress me with his growing vocabulary, his dynamic reading ability and his love for mathematics... ( Math, really?)
The amount of pride that I have for my son and all of his accomplishments is more than can be explained.
Although with all of the positive changes in my little man, there are a few changes I could do without.
Somewhere throughout this year, Sebastian decided that taking a shower was much cooler that letting his Momma run him a huge tub of bubbles in the evenings.... Little does he know that his Momma had looked forward to watching him splish and splash every single night for the past six and a half years; and that in his excitement for a shower and a moment or two alone, a little piece of her heart broke.

Some of my most favorite of Sebastian's vocabulary were words that he had adapted for himself. 
Words like lellow (yellow) or blocklyn (Brooklyn). I used to smile when he would incorporate big words into his sentences and decipher a way to pronounce the letters that seemed hard for him at the time. This doesn't happen anymore. Also, a faint lisp that he carried for years has completely disappeared and I have to struggle to remember it's sweetness lingering on the ends of his words.

I've sat witness to the slow trickling of what were once Sebastian's most beloved items, making their way across the hall into his baby brothers bedroom. 
Items that at one time he couldn't have lived without, or so it seemed.
I have overheard the gifting of such items, accompanied by words such as, 
"Here Brooklyn, you can have this, because I don't need it anymore and you will like it."
And just like that, another small door closes on a piece of Sebastian's childhood, 
and another small piece of my heart breaks.

Teeth. Two loose and two missing. I think this has been the most obvious of ways to gage Sebastian's age and growth. I still can't believe that we are loosing teeth. I also can't believe that my boy is on his way to being seven years old.
 That's really all that I have to say about that.

All of the "I can do it's", and the "I don't need that's"have taken their toll on my little heart. 
I struggle with secretly wishing that Sebastian would remain exactly as he is now. 
On the other hand, what a joy it 's been to watch my child grow and mature into a beautiful young man. To see him exude the qualities that I have instilled within him and uphold the values that I have poured over him for years and years. 

To watch him give when others take. 

To watch him trust when others can't.

To watch him smile when others don't.

To watch him appreciate what others don't see.

To watch him love in ways others don't know how.

In the struggle of impending boyhood, between the contracting and releasing of control, remains a very sweet and special place.

 A place where late at night a boy still asks to snuggle with his Momma and
 wants to hear stories of his days as a baby. 

Moments when secrets are whispered and I love you's are exchanged in large quantities. 

Moments where a boy reminds his mother of exactly why she adores him and she tries to explain the emotion she feels for her first son.

 Moments where dreams are shared and questions are answered.

 Moments where giggles and tears are often separated by just a few simple words. 

Moments where sometimes words are not needed.

 Hands are held.

 Butterfly kisses are exchanged .

And a mothers well is replenished with enough sweetness to make it through another handful of ever changing days.


Laura said...

the tears are running down my face. i can't believe that you wrote words that come from my own heart. i have a 5-year old finishing pre-K in a few weeks & heading to kindergarten in the fall. everything you wrote is what has been going through my mind & heart lately. we had a yard sale this weekend & my son had a lemonade & cookie stand. i smiled every time he said "lemonlade" instead of "lemonade" - i know that the days of that "special" pronounciation are limited. i feel better that i am not alone, although still sad that my little boy is growing so fast. thank you for sharing your thoughts & love for your son.

Cindy Walker said...

So sweet girl. You have become quite the writer!

Patti said...

Written from the depths of a mother's heart, there have never been more true words. All of this business of growing up is so bittersweet. While I love watching the person they are becoming there are parts of my heart that long for the days that have passed.

FairfieldHouse said...


To know that such beautiful sentiments are only a glimpse of your heart leaves me in absolute awe.

Just remember, my friend, if things never changed there would be no butterflies.

I am so honored to be your friend.