Jealousy is an ugly thing. Honestly, is there anything worse than being jealous;of a person or a situation? I was always jealous of "her". Something that is now easy to admit, but then, oh, never would I admit to such a thing... "Jealous of what?" (That's what I would have said then...) She was prettier than I was, and guess what? She still is. I could go on about the petty way's that she made me jealous of her, but I won't allow it. It's insignificant. I will however divulge that she always posed a threat to my high school romance. A relationship that I swore was steel... and who was she to challenge my thinking?
Intimidated, the second worst of the worst ways to feel. I was intimidated by "her", and thought all along that it was her fault for fearing the demise of my relationship. Needless to say, we broke up, the steel melted down into scrap, and my worst fear became a reality. "He" chose "her" Now the intensity of my dislike for "her" was stronger than ever. I hated her. I hated her. I hated her. It was her fault. I hated her. I hated her. I was jealous. I hated her.
Hating someone for no apparent reason and holding a grudge for years is exhausting. I knew that the years of bitterness had to come to an end, and if ever I had the opportunity, I would take it. Well last night, I walked the walk. I won't say how, but I was given a way to contact her. Directly. Randomly, but whole heartily. Twenty minutes and one email later, it was done. I had apologized to "her". For being young,and naive, and jealous and ridiculous and desperate and pathetic, for all those years of hating "her" for being her. She responded...she accepted my apology and offered one of her own; and now fourteen years later this ill-will had been put to rest. How simple. Apologize, mean what you say and you may just resolve years of young minded nothingness... and yes of course I accept your apology as well.